Lately I've really been trying to follow my gut and do things I feel urged to do. One of those is pursue wedding planning more seriously another is to take graphic design classes to help me with my Etsy shop. But, I've also had another, very strong urge.
Lately I've had the thought that I should stop blogging. For the first time in 4 years, I've thought about quitting my blog.
It's not for lack of things to write about, I have a whole list of ideas. I feel like my blog is boring. I don't want to write anything that could keep me from getting a job in the future or that could make a potential wedding couple decide my employer's company is not the right one for them. I don't want to write anything that could potentially embarrass the shit out of Peanut & Lovebug in the future. Because of those reasons, I hold a lot back.
Maybe I feel like quitting because I feel like no one reads. If no one truly read, I would completely open up; I have a lot of things that are heavy on my heart that I just can't write about. I'm afraid that the only people that do read is my family and the last thing I want to do is start any drama. Writing has always been so freeing to me but at a time when I feel like I need to write the most, I'm unable to.
And that makes me mad. I'm mad that I can't freely write whatever I want and know that no one will judge me, or be offended by it, or hold it against me. I know you're probably thinking, "It's your space, do what you want," but sometimes it's just not worth it.
Between juggling twins, a boyfriend, a full-time job, an Etsy shop and trying to get back in shape, I have enough to deal with and I don't need to add drama into my life - it's crazy enough. I know I could just avoid it and keep on keepin' on, but I feel like it's so silly to write about superficial things when there's so much going on.
Maybe I've lost my zest for blogging because none of my really good friends do it anymore. As we've grown up and moved in different directions in our lives, I wonder if this blog has served its purpose and now it's time to let it go.
I'm also scared to let it go. Although I've been horrible at blogging regularly for almost the last year, I like being able to look back and see how it's grown...how I've grown. My first post was some pointless crap shortly after I moved into my first apartment. I blogged through a pregnancy, the first few years of life, and hopefully someday, a wedding. I'm a sentimental person who like to reminisce and this blog is the perfect way to do it.
This vague-blogging word vomit took a totally different turn than I expected, but it's making me feel a little better about it to the extent that I have written. I'm still not sure if I'll continue the blog; I hope sometime soon I find the joy in it again and I hope that one day soon I will feel more able to freely write what I want because dangit it is my space and it shouldn't be held against me.
I promise I'll be back with a proper post soon (I'm trying not to give myself deadlines anymore) I wouldn't just quit without a proper goodbye.
Have you ever thought about quitting your blog? What made you decide to keep going?