Thursday, January 24, 2013

So...Do You Think You'll Get Married?

I've written before, about my love for people sticking their noses in my business about my family planning.

My second favorite question is, "So when do you think you'll get married?"

Well....I didn't know I was psychic who can tell you the date already.

I get it. We have kids. You assume we'll get married.

We're doing things backwards.

Backwards is the new forwards people! 

I feel like I handle the question well but really it's nobody's damn business!

I handle it much better than that last sentence, I swear.

If we get married, we want it to be a decision we make for ourselves, because we want to and not because we had kids. I feel like that would be a disservice to our children and to ourselves. 

has become my mantra.

I get it, people (especially our families) mean well and they're just plain curious. I've made no secret of the fact that I want to get married someday....but today is not that day.

For the record, I have NEVER tried on a wedding dress, this is clearly photoshopped :)

We've had a lot to adjust to and learn over the last few years: we moved in together a little sooner than we wanted to, not only did we become first time parents, but we became parents to twins, and we're I'm still working some stuff out career-wise. I can't even imagine planning a wedding right now.

And, as my aunt said over Christmas break, "You two are raising them as a family in a loving home, you guys get to do what you want."

And seriously, does being married make us any more of a family than we are right now?

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12 comments:

  1. I understand what you are going through completely!!! I have been with my fiance for 7 years, and we did everything backwards too. We moved in, during and after college, new parents and like you, new parents to twins. However, we cannot afford a huge wedding, nor do I want to, so we are getting married at the court house June 14. But, it was our decision. Take your time, you know what is best for you and your family. Keep reading preemietwinsandme.blogspot.com or email us at preemietwinsme@gmail.com

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  2. That picture had me rolling - "slow your roll". For real - it is your life and you can do as you please. I get some people say things like that - but they have no clue.. They are not in your day to day life for real. I am married 8 years and honestly - it is cool but it would be just the same if we were not - we would have 2 kids, a house, a life, problems, highs, lows... etc... I just don't get people. AND if you were married and had no children - they would be asking when you are going to have kids, and then after your 1st - when is the 2nd - and the 3rd. Come on people - BUTT OUT!!! LOL.. Happy Thursday.

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  3. Love the picture! hahaha Though you do look pretty awesome in that wedding dress ;) Believe me, I can relate to this too! We were engaged for 2 years and had just postponed our wedding because of Ronnie being so busy with school when I got pregnant. Now with an almost 1 year old, planning a wedding is honestly the last thing on my mind. Yes it's all "backwards" but who cares? We have our reasons and will do it when it works for us. Til then, we'll keep raising our daughter in a loving, happy home.

    Oh and have to tell you what my coworker told me and another coworker the other day. She's in the middle of a divorce and told our married coworker "I want to be happy like you and C. Y'all have the best relationship!" Then she turns to me and says "I can't really compare my relationship to yours since y'all aren't married". Um, WHAT?! We've been together 7 years and are happy as hell but because we're not married, we don't count?! Ugh. Gets me upset all over again. ha People just need to mind their own damn business. And I love what your aunt said, it's the truth!

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  4. I love your mantra and may even start using it! We don't have twins but we do have two children an (almost) 3 year old and a 3 month old- we live together, love each other and know eventually one day we will get married, but not because of our girls but because we want to- wearing rings & a piece of paper doesn't "complete" a family <3

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  5. Amen, sister!! I was in the same exact boat up until December. My husband and I married after six years of being together and our daughter will be 5 in March. I got that question ALL THE TIME and hated it!! For me, I felt that I was looked down upon because I wasn't married and had a child and family. It was as if my relationship wasn't legitimate enough..if that makes sense. We chose to get married after 6 years because we love each other and wanted to be husband and wife. I can't necessarily say that if we married after my daughter was born that we would still be together today. I think those six years were good for us to learn and grow. Keep doing what feels right for you and your family!!

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  6. Kudos to you to not shotgunning things just because people expected you to. Do it at your own pace, who the heck cares. The bambinos are growing up in a loving home!

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  7. Dang, you are good at photoshop. I mean I knew it was photoshopped, but only cause I've seen you in real life and I know you wouldn't pose in a wedding gown. :) But seriously--impressive!

    It's tough to answer those questions. We get it too sometimes (along with "are you gonna have kids?" which is harder for me b/c you know the complications).

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  8. I relate 110% to this! I get so insanely sick of people (mostly MY family members) constantly asking me when we're going to get married. Every single one of my relatives are very religious, so I know that has a lot to do with it. It comes up practically every single time I see them. My aunt even thought it would be a good idea to plan out a marriage ceremony at Christmastime (since my pastor uncle would be in town), and then spring it on me as a surprise! I. Kid. You. Not. Yeah, that would not have gone over well with either of us. Luckily my mom told me about it (she knew it would not be a good idea) and I told her absolutely not.

    We plan to get married at the courthouse (which horrifies people for some odd reason) when we're ready. We've been talking about it a lot lately and figuring out the specifics, so it will probably be soonish. I just really have no interest in a wedding. Planning all of those details and spending all of that money does not appeal to me. We'll just have a big party after. :) You have no idea how refreshing it was for me to read this blog post! :)

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  9. To that last question, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I once believed I would rather be lovers for life (think Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn) then get married. But it was important to my husband so we got married in a very small intimate wedding.

    Backwards IS indeed the new forwards. My brother has a baby with his girlfriend (my beautiful niece who's 8 months old) but even before that he was already a family with her and Christina's 9 year old daughter. They are the best thing that ever happened to our family and it doesn't mean any less to us that they aren't married.

    ps. i agree with Claire on the impressive photo shop skills! ;)

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  10. I'll never understand why people ask such ridiculous questions. I'm with your aunt!

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  11. People need to mind their own business. What if you and B have decided you never want to get married? Why do they care? It is so frustrating when people get all in your biznass. Right now, people are stressing me about when I will have a baby. That stuff is so personal.

    Good luck fending off the questions. There is nothing wrong with your family!

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  12. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! You know I am gonna support you 110% on this one honey. Except I say, NEVER GET MARRIED!!! lol

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