Probably the worst mistake I made was right after I moved into B's house a little over 2 years ago.
We had a lot of stress on us: moving in together with me being 6 months pregnant, trying to figure out how to financially support two babies on one and a half salaries (I was only part-time at work), preparing the house for two babies, B was scared to death about becoming a father, I was worried about how our relationship would fare - there's a lot of pressure on new parents.
About two weeks after I moved in, I started sleeping in the spare bedroom.
Not because there was anything wrong, but because I didn't sleep well.
Remember, at just over 6 months I measured the same as someone who was full term.
Before I found out I was pregnant, I didn't sleep well so when I was pregnant I really didn't sleep.
I tossed and turned all night long so I didn't want to keep B up since he already got up at 4:30 every morning.
I never thought the simple act of not sleeping in the same room would effect our relationship but it did.
My favorite time with Boyfriend was always laying in bed and just talking or laughing as we went to sleep or first work up. On the weekends, B would climb in bed with me after he woke up, but it just wasn't the same.
|Yes, we used to be that couple.|
Those few minutes of connection really made a difference and without them, our relationship suffered.
When the Bambinos were born, we all four spent the first few nights in our bedroom. But then the three of us started sleeping in the living room while B slept in our room - again because I didn't want to wake him up.
When the Bambinos started sleeping in their cribs, and through the night, somehow I ended up back in the spare. I wanted B to tell me (ask me?) to come back to his room and he thought that it didn't need to be spoken out loud. He assumed I knew.
In those first few months after you bring your bundle of joy(s) home, it's so easy to get wrapped up in them and their needs that you kind of forget about nurturing your relationship and because of this, our relationship went through a really rocky adjustment period.
That made it harder for me just to walk in and lay down in our bed. It's absurd now that I think of it, but that's how it was.
It wasn't until I hyped myself up probably three nights in a row, and after a year of not sleeping in the same bed, before I finally got the balls to just walk in and lay down.
A little over a month later, our relationship took a very good turn and it's been getting stronger and stronger since.
Sure, date nights are important, but I think the best advice I would give anyone and especially new parents is do not for any reason sleep in separate rooms.
When you first have a child, and especially twins, you're so busy taking care of this new little person's needs that it's easy to push the needs of the household's adults onto the back burner so sometimes those few minutes in bed are all you have.