This post has been swirling around in my head for quite awhile, I hope it come out the way I mean for it to.
When I found out we were having two boys I was ecstatically happy and secretly relieved. I've come to realize that I was not quite ready for a girl, yet.
A little girl looks up to her mommy. She learns how to do her makeup from her mommy, how to deal with her first heartbreak, how to be a mother, and eventually a grandmother. I'm not ready for that kind of pressure.
Because of this, I want to be in the best shape mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I've come to realize that all too often my response to B is, "Wait 'til I get in shape, then ....." or "I feel so much prettier tan." I know this is unhealthy and I know that I do not entirely believe these statements. For having twins, I look pretty good. I'm in decent shape, but I want to be in better shape. For myself and for my family. Not only physically but mentally and emotionally too.
Emotionally, I feel like I'm in a pretty good place. Physically, is a work in progress, but I'm doing something about it and that's what matters.
Mentally, I'm pretty good and stable, the biggest thing I need to do is
cut negative statements about myself out of my vocabulary. I don't go around bashing myself, but I would like to feel more comfortable in this "new" body of mine and not make negative statements at all.
I don't want to pass my bad habits on to my little girl.
I feel like Boyfriend has all the pressure on him right now because they already look up to him so much. He will teach them about mechanical stuff because I know nothing. He will teach them about sports because I've never been good at them. He will teach them about being a man and respecting women, yourself and others. They will learn valuable lessons from me, but they will undoubtedly learn a lot from him just as a little girl will learn a ton from me when we have one. And because of that, I'm happy we had boys first
Plus, they're just so cute, how can you not enjoy them and love on them?!?