Thursday, June 7, 2012

Drunk-az, Po-az, Lazy-az

My sister sent me this the other day because it's so unlike our church growing up.
"To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate- Boaz. While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az. Cheatin-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Locked-up az, Goodfornothin'-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin, Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz."
 Guuuurl, (and any guys!) let me tell you, I waited a long time and worked hard for where I am today. I dealt enough with my own Az-es.

There was G, a guy a year younger than me who ended up being Lockedup-az, (not while we were hanging out,) but also Drunk-az. I can't forget the time he invited me over to his house only to find him "cuddling" with some girl while his dad and the rest of their friends were drunk in the other room. And I'm sorry, but I don't think you should get drunk with your underage son in the first place, it's not a good look when you're the most drunk person in the room.
Then there was M, a guy I fell for quickly. At 24 to my 21 years old, you'd think he'd have his shit together better than I did, but his job was doing security at a local club on Friday and Saturday nights. He gave up his job at an airline, for what reason I'm still not sure. Working two jobs, I paid for everything and let his best friend stay in the tiny room I was renting for the summer. Three people in that room was not fun. He'd also come home from work and play video games until 6am and then be upset that I let him sleep until 5pm. Excuse me?! At 24, you are old enough to wake yo' az up and take care of yourself, Lazy-az! Plus, I was at work.  At least he wasn't a Drunk-az, in fact, he didn't drink at all, but he sure could dance (my weakness.)

Imagine these two guys living in my tiny room.
I was dumb enough to date M four years later, and he ended up also being Cheatin-Az and Lyin-az, at least this time, he had a good job so he wasn't Po-az, but he was still Cheap-az.
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson.
Then there was R, he was drunk-az, Po-az and Cheatin-az all in one. He was a club promoter (do we see my pattern here?) who wanted to make a living off Promoting, but at the time, it wasn't very realistic in Seattle. He'd swindle people so he'd make enough money for rent, or be able to buy new clothes, but he never really had money of his own. A guy with big ideas, he'd usually promise to pay people back after his investors came through, but of course they never did. I'll never forget when he was attending a DECA conference for his college and asked to borrow $200 to take to Disneyland with him. When I gave him what I could afford, he looked at the $150 in his hand and said, "I asked for $200." Sadly, I still put up with his crap for a few more months, until he got upset at me and threatened to have a girl beat me up. He never turned in to Beatinyo-az, but Po-az, Drunk-az, and Dumb-az, was enough.
You can barely see R's face. I cropped him out of everything back in the day.

Then there was C. He's the relationship I wrote about here. Fortunately, he actually treated me really well and he wasn't any of the Az-es. Unfortunately, I had done quite a bit more work on myself than he had on himself, so I was in a more mature, confident place than he was. We've remained friends, we're both in other relationships and very happy for each other. He was my turning point.
The early days of B
After C came Boyfriend. Dating all the Az-es, made me ready to appreciate C and especially B. The other guys taught me a lot about who I am as a person and what I deserve. Dating the Az-es that I did caused me some pain and heartbreak, but it also taught me how strong I am, and how I should never settle and to always resepect myself. I wouldn't change the experiences I had with these guys at all because they've helped shape who I am today and I know that I've experienced enough to give my children good advice in the future.

The Shabby Apple Winner has been chosen and it's

Gina M!
Congrats Gina! I'll send you an email shortly

If the rest of you didn't win, you can still use the code undomestic10off for 10% off until June 30th!

Thanks to myspace for all the pictures of exes!


  1. Oh I love this! I so wish I wouldve seen whst everyone else pointed out about my exes, but I didnt until much later. I try to preach to my little sisters friends, but you know how that goes. ;)

  2. Girl you are so brave to write about this. I've dated some serious losers as well but I try to forget about it! :) Just kidding, I know that all of those losers eventually taught me what I really wanted and led me to my husband, but still...

  3. OH MAN!!! I love this post, it made me laugh hystarically!!! Even though I wasn't the winner. Congrats to Gina M. :)

  4. This is hilarious! Thank goodness they all led you to boyfriend. He seems like a great guy!!


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