Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Why is it that upon going through a break up you mourn the loss even if you're the one who initiated it?

I remember breaking up with an ex and having a much tougher time getting over it than I expected.  In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do. I remember feeling almost free at the thought of not being with this person anymore but my head did not catch up so quickly.

As I'm assuming most people do, I wondered if I made the right decision. I wondered if maybe I was being too hard on myself, on him, on our relationship? I wondered if I had tried hard enough to make it work, but mostly I wondered who I was without this person?
NYE, in happier times
After being with him for a few years, I wondered how much he had changed me. I wondered how much our relationship changed me. I wondered if and why I had let him change me at all. I liked who I was before we met, I hoped those good qualities were still inside me.


But mostly I wondered if I were still lovable and whether or not I would ever find someone who loved me as much as he did.

A breakup is like a death, one day that person is in your life and then one day they're not. You're left with the shadows of memories haunting you at every corner, every place you ever went to together, every song you both liked to dance to, and especially in your dreams.

Am I the only one who finds sleeping worse than being awake during a breakup?

Pretending to be happy
I've heard it takes three months for every one year you were together to get over someone. I thought that only worked if you were the one being broken up with, I never expected it to take me a while to get over him too.

Eventually, I stopped mourning the loss. I realized that the friends I lost during the break up were not real friends anyway. I realized I was no longer running away from places we had been;  I could visit places we had been together without questioning my decision. I hadn't forgotten the memories, but they were looked upon fondly and with confidence rather than questioning. I realized that I was still the same person as before, but I now had wisdom that I hadn't had before. I realized that I could still have love for him and be cordial without needing to be in love with him. I realized that without going through this, I would not have been as ready and willing as I was for the next great thing to come into my life, and come into my life it did. 
The very day B first texted me...he had no idea I was out in this outfit.
Several months after realizing I was over the breakup I had initiated, B came into my life and you all now how that turned out.

5 comments:

  1. I love this post. It's so true. It's funny how when you're in the middle of the breakup you know NO ONE else gets it. But really we have all been there. The worst part is knowing you'll be fine it'll get better but still having to tromp through those months that just suck

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  2. I am ashamed I don't remember who the last guy I dated was before David.

    I hate break ups though. Everybody involved (friends included) is put in an awkward situation.

    I'm glad you're with B. :)

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  3. I really like this post! I had a boyfriend for a really long time, on and off, before I met my husband. A few months after I finally closed that chapter of my life, John came along! When I think back on that past relationship, who I was, what I was thinking - it is really strange and more like an "out of body" experience! I thought THAT was love?! Now that I force the REAL challenges of every day life knowing that my husband will always be with my without fail, I know that I was just being a silly girl back then! Crazy what REAL LIFE and REAL LOVE can do for you in terms of perspective towards past relationships!

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  4. First things firts. This title scared me. I won't lie. :) And daaaaang!!! This was a heavy post. And I can only do heavy in my dreams. I am tapped out. But I know where you are going with all of this...I get it.

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  5. i definitely know what you mean. i went through that with my ex fiance. i'm happy that you found someone who makes you happy and not question yourself. it is really important in a relationship :) xoxo

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