Monday, August 1, 2011

Mama Says: Raven

Hi there all you Undomestic Chica's! Or are some of you domestic? Lord knows I try to be. I suck at it, but trying is what counts, right?
My name is Raven and I blog over at A Momma's Desires and Pacifiers. Today, I will be talking about how to get your kids to behave by scaring the crap out of them by using Disney references. 
But first, let me introduce my kids. Gunner James and Colt Daniel Le.
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(the jury is still out on whether my 46 year old caucasion husband is their real dad)
Whoa. Back up. 
I know what you're thinking. FORTY SIX YEAR OLD HUSBAND?
Yep, 'tis true. And just to get your minds clean, and so you don't think I have daddy issues, here is a picture of the two of us...
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(see, so not a dirty old man) I think he is quite studly, but let's get back to the topic at hand. Anyone who has kids knows that getting them to behave can be a challenge, to say the least. Everyone has had those outbursts at the grocery store where their child is screaming bloody murder and everyone is staring at you and wondering how come you just won't control that child of yours! (The people who wonder that have never had children, clearly.) I'm here to tell you my secret, something that works for me, and if I was betting? Will probably work for you. See, you have to speak their language, which is where all those wonderful Disney movies come into play. Here, let me show you... Finding Nemo. Photobucket This one is my favorite and the most general, as in, you can use this one basically anywhere/with any situation. We all want our kids to stay close and not run off, right? All you gotta do is say to them, "You had better not leave my side or you will get lost just like Nemo!" (I always throw in a "...forever and ever and you will NEVER come back home" and the end just for good measure. Monsters, Inc. Photobucket No momma wants to get woken up at night, or have to walk to their child's room when he has gotten out of bed for the fiftieth time just to tell him to go back to sleep, so after you are done tucking in your sweet little child, after you have said your prayers and given him a kiss goodnight, just say, "and if you even THINK about getting out of this bed, those bad monsters will come running out of your closet full speed ahead and attack you!" Trust me, that one really works. Wall-E Photobucket I don't know about you, but it is hell to get my children to eat their fruits and vegetables. All they want is chicken nuggets, fries, tator tots, chocolate, more fries and more chocolate. Yeah, NOT gonna fly in this momma's house. Which is where Wall-E comes in and works like a charm. Whenever I want my kids to eat their veggies, but they refuse and throw them on the floor, I calmly pick them up, put them back on their plate, and remind them that... "If you don't eat your vegetables and only eat crap, then all the fruit trees and veggie gardens will dry up and die and then life can't be sustained here on Earth and everyone will vanish except for you and you will be left ALL ALONE just like Wall-E. Would you like that to happen?" In go the veggies. Toy Story Photobucket My house often looks like a dumpster full of toys. We have a really nice toy chest, but does that matter? No. Kids don't really care about putting toys into the toy chest. They just want them strewn all over the house. Well, after stepping on one too many lego parts and cursing words that little children should never hear, I came up with this one... "If you don't put your toys away where they go, every single one of them, they will come to life when you are sleeping and walk themselves to another little kid's house who takes care of his toys and keeps them in the toy chest." If this doesn't work the first time, just take EVERY one of their toys and put them in a garbage bag, and hide them somewhere. Then when your kid wakes up in the morning, tell him that what you said would happen is exactly what happened. They will put their toys away every night after that. And that, my fellow mommas, is my good advice for the day. Or I'm sure some of you think I'm a horrible mother for scaring my kids using their favorite animated characters, but hey, whatever works, right?

Thanks Raven! See, I told you all she's awesome. Stop back by everyday Monday for Mama Says with JAG from Jagged Little Life. Her story is so different from the ones we've seen so far - I love it! And she gives good advice :)

Are you interested in guest posting? Let me know and I'll give you the guidelines!

5 comments:

  1. Hahahah....too funny! I'll have to test some of these out!!!!

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  2. Friggin hilarious! Don't have kids, but AM NOT ABOVE using lies/scare tactics like the ones mentioned above.

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  3. babahahaha I should really save this somewhere so I'll remember exactly what to say to my kids.

    Oh Raven how I love you.


    CarissaExplainsItAll

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  4. Bahahahaaaaa.... This is sooo flippn hillarous! I love it. I'm seriously going to print this out, so I don't forget!

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